To my mom…

I never once saw your pain

You never saw mine either

Because the rage of trying to cope with our losses

Were instead aimed at each other with bitter wrath

You buried your mom first and I look at you

In spite of the turmoil between us I cannot fathom

That you would no longer exist here on this earth

But only in my heart

Even though the brokenness of our relationship

Has been left with only the remains of mixed debris

And that is the kind of loss I have of you and small pieces of yourself

That you have left scattered along my life’s path

Then there’s my loss…

As my foundations were shaken to the depths of my soul

By divorce and hostile words with bitter emotions

A home ripped from me at such a young age

The devastation that carried me into those already turbulous teenage years

The impulsive and destructive decisions I made to build the mask I would

Later wear as an adult to hide behind my regrets of ….them

Your loss of a husband that you once suffered a black eye behind his iron fist

And stubborn addiction that clung to him like a fearful child that I only hope

Now doesn’t haunt him like I wished it would before

You buried a son and I buried a brother like a thief in the night his death came

And went

Leaving a neverending grief stricken pit

Numbness busyness escapism brokenness separation despair engulfing endeavors to

nowhere

Why not come closer to cry and to understand to lend a helping hand

To try to relieve something that will always stay

But instead what was left of our family was the fact that we all ran away

I see you now through new eyes no distorted perceptions that you are/were my enemy

But only a god I created in my mind that should have been immune to life’s pains

To help me with mine..

Instead of an equal mere human exisiting, evolving, seeking, hurting, learning…

I wish you now not demands for understanding but healing beyond measure

For everything that you have been strong for…the perseverance that somehow

You managed to grasp.. the refined woman you have become

That maybe I will still never truly know the depths of but now its okay

Because the peace I have come to find along the way

My soul now resilient, resting, understanding, healing, hoping and finally

Loving myself… can love you..regardless

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Being still…

body of water across sunset
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Helps me to learn the ways of peace

To receive and release the taunts of my soul

Into my heart where love dissolves any pain

Trying to take its roots that spring bitter leaves

Into my words and actions that out of them flow death

Into another

Hungering for the winds of empathy to drown

Any reasoning of distorted truths

 

 

A poem

Today I was reading someone’s blog and their inspiring poetry. After reading a few poems I found a post about learning to write by using word prompts. So, I wanted to share a poem that I wrote with the word prompts they gave… “wicked chill.”

Snow Covered Ground

Wicked chill… the leftovers of the soul’s ill will

The icy cold layers of anger and hurt

Perceptions blocking the love’s rebirth

Shivering and longing for the pain and loss

To melt away it’s stinging frost

Buried beneath the broken brown leaves

The dirt grieves

The snow covered heart suffers the numbness of the cold

Will you lie there until you are old?

Allow the sun to warm searching for its reflection in your depth

Don’t let the wicked chill cause your life’s regrets

The smile…

anthonyjdangelo1-2x

Pressed uniform she is ready for her day

Her hair not chic but nice…in its own way

No make-up on her face… just a smile she would wear

Embracing the hope that it would illuminate her care

For all of those people she would touch that day

With the love that only she could give in her own special way

The crippling of hearts and limbs, minds filled with vacancy, eyes with blank stares

She wanted to share an embrace, a word softly spoken and maybe unspoken prayers

The ones that she especially streamed along by her heart

Were those with no memories and families not taking part

In their lives because why? Just because now they don’t know you or what to do?

Or do they remember sometimes and can’t show it to you?…

Because you aren’t around to make the memory come true

So it’s erased in a second and gone like the breeze of the wind

And their faces show their solemnness once again

For a moment there would be big smiles on their faces

And she would look into their eyes to see the brightness in their dazes

Which family member did they see

was it the spouse that loved them?….unconditionally

They were married for years too many to count

Their legacy was left by the pictures they would mount

On the wall…black and white tattered edges to show

But a solid foundation made by love left their faces aglow

Picture frame old as it hung crooked on the wall

How many times were the memories recalled

As the girl in the uniform

Sits side by side with a widow in lost stare

Her heart becomes broken at times hard to bear…

Now what she sees is someone forgotten

By others from her life dead relationships that once blossomed

She reaches over to embrace the wrinkled and worn hand

Only to feel a soft grip that somehow could understand

That although none of her relatives would care to stop by

This girl in the uniform had heard her heart’s cry

And though all of her loneliness had been hard to bear

It was eased by the illuminating smile the girl in the uniform decided to wear

senior-and-young-holding-hands_bwc8214618

Poem by: SHARON SCHWARTZ (my experiences as a nursing assistant)

 

 

This might encourage you…

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Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com

This morning when I got up I found my mind to be weak with old thought patterns. Sometimes when this happens and my mind gets jumbled I write poetry hoping the thoughts will leave. After I wrote my poem this morning I googled my daily devotional like always and found this….I will share my poem first and the devotional will follow. God is always here in the good, the bad, and the ugly of us. My biggest struggle in life is learning to continuously embrace my failures and refocus.

Nov 1 at 9:14 AM

Just when you think you’ve  figured it out

Then you feel your heart is in a drought

Oh! And when yesterday’s battle you have overcome!!!

It doesn’t mean today’s battle has already been won

Because everyday there’s something new

It seems to just be thrown at you

A sting of rejection your perception skewed

Then there’s the defensive attitude

Why are you back I will ask myself??!?

I wish i could forever put you on a shelf

Then I find myself looking around about to drown

In…

Their…

Approval…

I think…

I need to be found…

It’s hard to live inside a cursed brain that gets stuck sometimes

That’s the way it has been trained

To deprogram it is a continuous fight

The pull of the thoughts I wish would take flight

Out of here to never come back

The pain of brokenness and all of its lack

I have to accept why it seems so ill and take those pills so I can chill

To cry out in prayer, “Oh come now PEACE be still” because it cannot be found in my own strong will!!

Poem by: Sharon Schwartz

The prayer that follows this comes from the person that posted the devotional.

Jesus Calling: November 1

Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart’s desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don’t let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don’t be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days.

Romans 8:33-34
English Standard Version
33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

Hebrews 4:14-16
English Standard Version
14 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

My Prayer
Father, the world trains me to not focus on You. How I need your love forever. Help me to begin each day with you, so my perspective for the day begins on You. And then throughout the day help me to surrender to you and make wise choices.

5 Things Every Person with a Mental Illness Needs to Hear

Sharing this from a fellow blogger. This is awesome!!

HALFWAY2HANNAH

If you are open about your diagnosis of mental illness, most likely you are faced with more negative feedback than positive. We are labeled as damaged goods. When I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, there were no words of encouragement or pamphlet that taught me how to handle stigma or love myself. I was set up for failure, and I know many of you feel the same way. The following blog post is what every person with a mental illness needs to hear. It’s the truth that we are kept from acknowledging.

You are not stigma.

Self-stigma is when you are aware of the stereotypes that exist and apply it to one’s self. The negative misconceptions about people with mental illness are so heavily present in our society that it can influence our self-perception. We cannot control how the public views those of us living with a mental illness…

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Reflections (a poem)

macro photography of bee sipping on liquid
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

Reflection time can be hard to find whispering to the mind’s confine “come and connect to what is pure and divine”

The cool air will kiss my face while the birds flying high give me a warm embrace

The green grass surrounds me the sky rests up high except for the billowy clouds floating by

The air that I breathe will fill my lungs the escape of it is like a song that’s sung

Oh peace come find me in this mind of mine…where busy bees swarm and hoard their sweet honey from dripping to my soul entwined 

By: Sharon Schwartz