My experience in a mental hospital…#noshame

  • Today I want to share about an experience that I had

    After many years of sadness and thinking I was bad

    My suicide thoughts had lifted and I was keeping them at bay

    But some other thoughts had come and decided they would stay

    Yeah..something it just snapped and it was up inside my brain

    And then I took a ride on the MANIA TRAIN

    I couldn’t eat and didn’t sleep my body tired would not retreat

    And my grandiose thoughts they were causing me trauma

    I thought I was being watched by Barack Obama

    I’m telling you that ain’t no joke I’m not one to blow up smoke

    I thought I was performing miracles too thought I was like Jesus but I didn’t have a clue

    Sometimes I would think this while in my congregation little did I know I was living in a hallucination

    One night I got up and just out of the blue with my leather jacket bare feet didn’t know what to do

    Got in the car and drove away in the night trying to get far away out of everyone’s sight

    I heard roosters crowing I could hear them everywhere so I parked my car and I just left it there

    I ran and I ran just as fast as I could going this way and that in someone’s neighborhood

    I never got tired and my body was still wasting cause I didn’t eat food and my taste buds were not tasting

    My family was just watching trying to figure out what was wrong they didn’t know what to do or what was going on

    And all I could see was their solemn stares and faces that added to my mind leaving marks and kinds of traces

    Then one day I drove to a place gave them my car keys…tears streaming down my face

    I wanted to change my name and run far away but deep inside my heart where my family stays

    Something compelled me to tell of my needs to a stranger who listened to my heart wrenching pleas

    Take me somewhere please get me some help I don’t know who I am I have lost myself

    Next thing I knew I was in the back of the van headed to a place called no man’s land

    The institution it scared me it caused me great fright I would wander around night after night

    I got in a line and they handed me pills they watched til I took them and it gave me the chills

    But once all those meds started to kick in I began to get hungry so I ate once again

    Then my tiny little body that had long been past due decided to rest and get some sleep too

    As the days went by and my mind became stable I could see the stars now and before I wasn’t able

    Cause my night had been so dark with no hope in sight when my body was running crazy and my mind had taken flight

    That has been years ago but my story I am using which parts really happened or which were my delusions

    All I know is being in a mental hospital is not a bit of fun but I’m thankful that it happened cause maybe…just maybe it will help someone. #peace

     

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