My thoughts on relationships and marriage…

These days people are too busy to work on relationships or they live in denial or laziness about what to do to fix them. Going to a job everyday or occupying self with activities all the time is a lot easier than dealing with emotions and pride. So many relationships are surface ones and it is hard. None of us are perfect and relationships are work while learning to empathize with each other. Apologizing and accepting responsibility for whatever is causing damage. That’s a two party thing. And it’s easy to go talk to someone about the person you are struggling with than to confront them and talk it out. That takes courage, openness, communication and willingness to do what it takes to salvage the relationship on both parts. Sometimes there needs to be a mediator because of the blame shifting that is going on. I have broken relationships and I am the first to admit it but, I want to learn unconditional love because it is a rare thing these days. I want it and I want to learn to give it. That starts with me, myself, and I. It is always good to have someone in your life that gives you UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and is helping you achieve that by UNDERSTANDING you, but at the same time holding you accountable in a non-condemning and hurtful way. It is work. I am going to talk about my marriage today. First of all, it is FAR from perfect. It has been a challenge, but we are still together and happy that we are. 20 years on May 1st.

My husband and I met in a bar (even though that is totally irrelevant) but we were living crazy lifestyles then. Just partying and being irresponsible in life, but we came together and God has helped us to LEARN to bring out the best in each other. Sometimes I believe my husband had a lot more work to do on his end though because I was very broken. HOWEVER, and that is a big however as you see, he never looked at that part of me (if he did he didn’t show it). He saw the BEST parts of me (while encouraging ME to SEE the best in me) and that’s a hard thing to do when there’s scars, and a baggage full of trust issues. I am SO THANKFUL that he has patiently been by my side. And I am so thankful that he encourages me and lets me know that I have helped him become who he is today. I don’t see how sometimes, but then I remember what a good cook I am. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.   lol. Really though…I know I have contributed to his life too. And that’s a GOOD thing. But If there’s one thing that’s important to me right now it’s my family and that being my husband and kids. I want long and meaningful relationships with them. So, when I leave here that’s how they remember me. Do I need to extend that LOVE to my other family members and even people that don’t dig in their hearts and love me back? Yes, yes I do. Some of them from a long distance but I still need to love them and I continually fail and fall in doing that, too. I get myself into pits because of it. I forget to set boundaries and those dark pits make me feel powerless. But then somehow I climb and say a prayer and try to escape that hole. Because I am only responsible for me and my actions. My self-care, my empathy, and my forgiveness towards myself and others. I believe if I can have enough strength and courage to have that…then I can LOVE. i also want people who are not afraid to call me out when I may hurt them and give me insight to myself because Lord knows I am blind a lot to my own actions. I am not perfect. That is being real…

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