Yesterday I blogged about the thorn in my flesh and in my closing I referenced the rose. My point was to help people (specifically people that struggle with mental illness) to see the whole flower not just the thorn. I want whoever is reading this to look beyond the thorn to the rose. That is a symbolism of how we are beautiful and have great worth!! regardless of our flaws/habits/illness..our thorn. God loves us all. He is LOVE and He wants everyone to know His love and to know they are not alone in their struggles.
At one time in my life, I had so much doubt about God’s love for me. He didn’t give up on me though. He wanted me to BELIEVE it with ALL my heart. I struggled and struggled all the time you have NO IDEA how I struggled!! Now,….I truly believe God was waiting all along for me to see my worth. That’s hard to see when you have been devalued by people who were supposed to love you. It’s hard to see when you have done life SO wrong and made SO many bad decisions. It’s hard to see when you have been suicidal and felt like the lowest of lows. It’s hard to see when circumstances tried to tell you different. It’s hard to see when you have been compared to others and felt ugly. I used to pray that God would show me His love in little ways to HELP me see. Even though He has been doing that and answering my prayers, it wasn’t until I started loving myself by practicing self-care that I really embraced His love fully. I never took care of me. I was very self-destructive from an early age and then I had children. They became my priority. When I look back it is amazing how I survived even that!! They turned out pretty awesome, but that wasn’t all me. I prayed for them all of the time because I felt like I was screwing up all the time and I was. However, a lot of that was my untreated illness and I’m not using that as an excuse. It is just how it is. I loved them with what love I could give at the time, but now I am really loving them. I am loving them because I love me now. It’s hard to spread the love when you haven’t received it yourself. You can be a good mother of course, but in order to FULLY EMBRACE every moment and embrace your kids.. you have to embrace yourself first. Anyway….when I used to pray and ask God to show me His love in a special way He would take me to a certain verse in the Bible. My name is Sharon and the name Sharon is in the verse. Now, when you ask God for specific things you have to open your heart so you won’t miss it! He continually used that in my life. The blog from yesterday totally put what happened today in perspective. Also, I have even prayed that God would just encourage me through others. One year I prayed that for my birthday all I wanted was words of His love for me. You should have seen some of the cards I got that gave me exactly what I needed. God loves EVERYBODY that way. I am not any better than you in that.
My youngest daughter texted me a picture today out of the blue. She bought me a card a while back for my birthday or Mother’s Day we couldn’t remember, but all she found was the envelope. It might have been the birthday I was just telling you about. No one has ever wrote that on a card or envelope to me. She was my angel that day and today even. I thought I would share it with you and share the verse I told you about. Another way that God showed me His love just recently was through my husband. He usually gets me roses for our anniversary, but this year he got me roses and lilies. I thought that was an odd combination, but then I read the verse. You know…you might not catch the excitement and awe of this, but I do KNOW this God loves you!! He wants you to know it in special ways, too! No matter what you are going through and the season life has you in He is there. He is there in excruciating pain (physically, mentally, and emotionally) and He is there when things are going great! He never changes just because life does remember that!! I hope you have a great day!!!
Song of Solomon 2:1-2 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the women.