Self-awareness and anger…

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I have been put in some situations lately that have really brought me self-awareness. I have learned that it is very okay for me to be angry when something unjust is happening. I am learning that I have to stop and harness that anger in a healthy way. Sometimes I am called to speak up and defend the cause or maybe not, but because of my history I am able to have compassion on an alcoholic or drug addict, a promiscuous female, a person that struggles with mental illness, a person that struggles with low self-esteem or worth, etc… I have been put in two situations lately where I have listened to someone curse, gossip, and speak lethal shat about someone else. The ones they are talking about are doing things that I once did. That’s when my compassion kicks in and because I “Feel” emotions so much in these sensitive areas I leave the situation angry. I automatically want to defend the person being dissed.  Anyway, when someone with depression has a “feeling” it is hard for them to express it so they stuff it or deal with it in unhealthy ways. The reason I believe that…is because we were never heard and anytime we did stand up for ourselves or feel a certain way we were made to feel guilty and condemned. I can remember years ago when I was a kid/teenager how my parents would belittle me for participating in behavior that they were doing themselves. This made me very angry and confused because I didn’t understand that. If I expressed any feelings about it I was made to feel “less than” and that those feelings were not acceptable. Therefore, the anger came back on me…mine and theirs. Even if there was just cause for those feelings they weren’t allowed. I am thankful I can vent to my husband about my anger or emotions and they are allowed because he validates my feelings! But sometimes I hold onto anger and turn it inward. I tell myself I shouldn’t feel that way because I have been programmed not to feel, but you know what?! We do have these God-given emotions…Jesus himself got angry. I have every right to be angry when someone berates a person’s dignity. However, I have to stop, breathe and ask myself…what do I need to do with this anger. Speak up and defend, vent to my husband or trusted friend, pray, ignore or all of the above. 😳I am SO THANKFUL I am a work in progress and that I am learning more about myself and that in reality…I am definitely okay and even if I feel like I’m not okay…I am…and so are you! ❤️🙏Also…I am THANKFUL for my history, my seemingly bottomless pits, my rock bottoms because maybe if you never have those how can you have compassion on people?  Can you?! ❤️❤️❤️


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