“The Shift”

i hate nothing about you with red heart light
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Where I am today….in the past few months I have pretty much been on a spiritual quest for my own personal growth. Last night, I found a YouTube clip called The Shift by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I encourage anyone to take the time to watch it. It is very interesting. Since I have started practicing self-care I have grown a lot in the area of self-awareness. I have become more “in-tune” so to speak. It’s amazing the things I have learned. Well his video talks about how he has learned to surrender his life to God and allow the spiritual growth process to manifest. That pretty much sums it up. He says when we are being formed in the womb and even as we are being birthed we are not in control. The process is developing without us getting in the way. It is an amazing and divine thing that is happening. God has complete control…we are growing and we have everything we could possibly need during this time without our help. Isn’t that just an amazing thought!!! WOW!! Then, he discusses how as we grow up we develop our “ego.” This happens because of the external forces that strip away our child-like wonder. We are no longer “free” just to “be” but we have begun being conditioned by our culture and environment. We have the demands of life. Whether that be parents, parenting, school, work, raising kids, pain, fear etc… we become distracted from who we really are under all of those layers. But, throughout life we start experiencing “shifts” take place. His first example of “the shift” he gave in his life I could relate to. At one time, he loved to drink alcohol and he drank something almost everyday. Then, out of the blue he felt like something was happening to him. It was like a fork in the road for him to surrender to the divine and he realized he had to give up drinking. He explains how this amazing transformation happened and he described it perfectly even though it had been 20 plus years ago. I also remember the MOMENT I surrendered my alcohol to God or my”shift.” I was in my bedroom with tears streaming down my face at rock bottom. I had an amazing man, a 9 year old daughter, and a six month old son. Before you decide to judge me just remember I was dealing with my own pain in my own way and alcohol became that way for me. Anyway, I had quit drinking several times especially during my pregnancies and sometimes for months at a time, but I always went back when something triggered painful feelings. It is still vivid to me now as if it just happened. The misery alcohol gave me and the regrets of the nights after. The tears I shed while drinking. It was a never-ending cycle of spiraling bad choices, layer upon layer of pain caused by all of it. Then, it happened as my tears  flowed and all of my heart cried out I don’t even think I opened my mouth but something was ….it was like something touched me. My whole being was immersed into a state of indescribable PEACE. It was as if an invisible force wrapped arms around me and held me. For the first time in a long time I felt whole. It was the most amazing experience I had. The “high” of any high I had experienced with alcohol or drugs. It just felt like pure love. After that, I had no desire to drink. That’s just how it happened. I have been sober for almost 20 years and I know with all of my heart that in that moment there was a divine intervention. I had surrendered to “The Shift.” I gave up, cashed out, let go, however you want to say it. My life was forever changed. Does that mean it has been easy? For the most part, I have to say it has. I have learned life is possible without it. Having fun is possible without it and finding love and relationships is more than possible without it!! That is what has made it easier. I think a lot of times in order to quit a bad habit you just replace it with a good one. My replacement became wanting to know more about that spiritual experience…to seek after God, my family, the miracles happening all around me, the gift of a church family that God led me to. Don’t get me wrong a spiritual experience doesn’t always happen at church. As you see, mine happened in my bedroom. The “church” was a tool at the time that I needed. It was the connection to others not the actual “meeting” or building. Looking back, some of the best days of my life were awaiting me. The time I spent with my husband, my children and watching them grow while being the best I could be for them. They were involved in “my shifts” the process…

Fast forward years ahead….I have 3 children and only one left at home. I am still sober, still married, and still seeking. I have gone through many phases or “shifts” in my life. I realize I was never in control and I believe I took paths that I was definitely supposed to take. I am grateful I know that and I am still learning. My heart’s desire is that I will stay open to change, receptive to God and aware of the process. The area I want to grow in the most right now is empathy. I want to become stronger and not react with my emotions. I want to be refined enough to STOP and think about how someone feels. I believe everyone is working out their own journey of pain and growth. I want to be a positive part of that process. It’s hard because a lot of people are hurting and they are really distracted by their own pain and issues in life. I think people are hurting people unknowingly sometimes because of that. We get offended when we are hurt and we may sometimes think it’s about us, but really someone is suffering and we may be at the brunt of it. That doesn’t make someone bad. It makes us have to be in tune to forgiveness, too. Our hearts fully open.. I guess we have to decide are we going to be strong enough in that to take the crap and love them through it or are we going to have to remove ourselves from the situation to protect our own well-being and theirs for that matter?  For me, I can say both. There are people in my life right now that are hurting, they are stressed out and just coping. I have been lashed out at for no apparent reason, but thankfully I have been in tune enough to say, “okay, what do I need to do?” Do I need to leave or do I need to feel this out and respond appropriately? Then, there have been times when I just speak my mind and there’s got to be balance with that, too. My husband is so good at this. I told him today I am almost resentfully envious of that part of him. He has been in the workforce so he has had more time and situations to help him with the process. It’s like a chipping away of self. I, on the other hand, have been caring for my daughter and learning to care for me physically. In the past, when I have had crazy energy and by that I mean energy that almost climbs out of my body and leaves me behind. I haven’t had balance which spiritually may have been a good thing to a point but physically worn down. If that makes sense. So, I am here free from the stress and demands of the outside world. I have been in hibernation or recharging for my next adventure. Anyway….I am going to get off of here and finish watching The Shift. I hope and pray I learn to let go with this new shift in my life. I am always up for a challenge I guess…and on that note I will leave you with this quote.

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.” Marianne Williamson 

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One thought on ““The Shift”

  1. How true Marianne Williamson’s quote. I attended a church for several years where she was the spiritual leader and really enjoyed her services. Spiritual growth is what life is all about. Keep up the good work.

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